dirty little nothing

2001-02-13T13:54:00.000-08:00

my new computer rocks.

2001-02-13T13:53:00.000-08:00

i am so proud of myself! i fixed my "technical" issues connecting to the internet. all by myself. Amazing.

2001-02-13T00:37:00.000-08:00

ok. i'm finally, finally on the road to recovery. this whole broken leg business really sucks. i'm now getting settled in my new apartment, and just hooked up my new computer! i connect at 49K here.. awesome. :) more later; lots to download now. :)

2001-01-15T12:50:00.000-08:00

ugh. so. i broke my leg on 12/24. in three places. i had to have surgery, and now i am the lucky recipient of 10 pins and one metal plate in my leg. anyway, i'm camped out at my parents house for now. this is all very, very lame.

2000-12-23T13:41:00.000-08:00

oh, i almost forgot! i am getting a new computer for x-mas!! that is so exciting. the whole reason why i started working at my job was because my company (used to) offers a technology loan up to $2000 for computer related expenses. this would have meant that i could have gotten a computer, while slowly paying it back.. but noooo! a mere 2 weeks before i would have qualified for the loan, it was discontinued! ever since then, at every company meeting, i would raise my hand and ask if i could get a loan (half jokingly). anyway, i'm super happy about this present. :)

2000-12-23T13:22:00.000-08:00

ok, so good news. i applied for a new lease at my friend's house. i'm excited to move in to their house! this is going to go well, i think. i was really stressed out recently about all this, along with money, christmas, etc. i know i mentioned this before.

i'm going to do all my x-mas shopping tomorrow on a whirlwind spree with Anja. her little bro is going to drive us around (thanks, Sylvio!) to get it all done tomorrow afternoon. then, i'm going to my parents house for the regular x-mas eve activities.

Josh and i aren't doing very well. we're in the process of discussing the future of our relationship together. whether or not we should move into this new house together, etc. we'll see what happens. i anticipate that we will move in together into this new house, but that we'll have seperate rooms so as to have more space for each of us.

Beth is moving back! i am so excited! i talked to her the other day, and things with her family aren't going so swell. she's planning on staying in minnesota for 2 months or therabouts, and then moving back. that makes me so happy. :)

2000-12-21T19:53:00.000-08:00

i am still depressed. there's really not much i can do at this point, except ride it out and hope for the best. my relationship seems to be falling apart; we just aren't talking at all anymore. i don't want to let go of him yet, but on the other hand i'm really wanting to break free.

i came to the conclusion yesterday that i have a crush on a co-worker. i don't know how to deal with this. i fucking hate crushes, and i hate that i have a crush on someone that i have to work with.

2000-12-21T14:39:00.000-08:00

okay, i lied.

i don't HATE my job, but it has definitely been super-unenjoyable lately..

2000-12-19T17:46:00.000-08:00

I HATE MY JOB.
however, i do enjoy guns 'n' roses mp3's. i've been taking a butt-rockin' trip down memory lane lately.

that is all.

2000-12-18T18:00:00.000-08:00

so, the weekend is over, unfortunately. now i just have to figure out how to deal without any sleep.. oh well. i've been pretty depressed lately, actually. it's weird that I haven't gotten much sleep lately, as normally when I'm depressed it's all I want to do. i've been missing my friend Eddie a lot lately. He moved back to minnesota several months ago, and i just miss him is all. i also miss my friend Beth, who just moved back to minnesota on saturday. i am also depressed about christmas, as I have no money. i am also depressed that my job will be ending soon; which means i need to get my ass in gear and figure out what to do with myself soon.. i am also depressed because i am moving soon, and have no money for that. i am also depressed because my boyfriend ignores me. not intentionally, but he just never hangs out with me anymore.

i am not depressed because i have good hair, and great cats, and good friends.

2000-12-16T23:37:00.000-08:00

This is actually a friend of Courtney's. I am writing a few words on her web page, maybe someday they will make me some money, eh? We had a work party, it was fun, Courtney is so cool. We can sit and drink beer and talk, or sit outside and smoke and laugh and tonight I made her laugh alot. Courtney has an infectuous laugh. When Courtney laughs, I want to laugh. She told me about her Step-Grandma and what a freak she is. She told me about how cool her parents are, but she doesn't talk much about her sister. Hmmm. I wonder about that, although I shouldn't. I have an older sister, and for many years, she was the last person I talked about. Now I think she is really cool, in some ways I want to be like her, I admire her. Maybe in 10 years Courtney will talk more about her sister. With same sex siblings, it is alot harder, the relationship involves so much rivalry and competition. It passes though, as many things do and we realize that was just a part of the puzzle. So, that is my little posting to Courtney's web page, I think it has been very cool, I am glad that if someone someday reads this, I may become famous.

2000-12-11T14:54:00.000-08:00

ew, i feel sick today. unfortunately, i have to be at work. i don't have any more excuses for time off.. damn it all.
so how do you feel about health care? personally, it takes hell or high water for me to willingly and consiously go to the doctor. the only time i had a good experience going to the doctor was this last time i went (about a month ago). when they were drawing my blood, the nurse left the twisty-tie thing around my arm for too long, so my arm fell asleep. that was great, because i didn't feel them actually stab me with the needle. i am going to request that the nurse does this every time now, as it seems to slow down my fainting-reflex..

2000-12-08T19:56:00.000-08:00

all right, it's goodnight for now. i don't have a computer at home, but i might update from a friends house this weekend. otherwise, this will be mainly a Mon-Fri weblog. :)

Cheers!

2000-12-08T18:10:00.000-08:00

i just talked to Beth, and her oral evaluation went really well! yaaay Beth!!

2000-12-08T18:04:00.000-08:00

i love my mom. she's gone back to college to get her masters degree in art. i'm not sure what she wants to do with it, but she's a fantastic painter. she was telling me the other day about her study group, and her classmates, and i even helped her study for a test. it was like a high school flashback, except with the roles reversed.
i will never forget the finals i took my freshman year. this was the year before i was deemed a "bad kid", and therefore i was forced to study. my mom would make me stay up until like, 3 or 4 in the morning, studying all these obscure notes i had taken throughout the year in whatever course we were concentrating on. one night she drilled me on my math class for almost 5 hours, only to find out the next morning that my science final was that day instead (which i fell asleep during).
now it's me sitting with my mom for an hour or so, holding up flashcards with different paintings on the front, and making her recite the artist's name, plus various odd things about the painting itself.

2000-12-08T14:11:00.000-08:00

so work is really, really getting to me. some random man just burped in my ear. i can't communicate how disgusting that that is.

2000-12-08T13:12:00.000-08:00

so, what did you do last night? anything exciting? i got really stoned and watched my friend Beth try to bake muffins. it wasn't her fault, really. she just didn't know that there was a difference between baking *soda* and baking *powder*. after 3 tries, she got it right. yay Beth! Beth just finished her thesis, and is graduating from college. i am so incredibly proud of her. Beth is one of my "minnesota" friends; she moved here to go to college, and a few of her friends came with her. the rest of the minnesota friends are Chris (Beth's longtime best friend, and boyfriend), Jason (lived in the same small town with Beth, Chris, and Eddie; on the same block as Beth and Chris), and Eddie (rockstar who dated Beth for a year, when they broke up he moved back to minnesota). i will write more about them later; they are all very important to me.
anyway, Beth has her "oral evaluation" today (as evil as that sounds..) with four of her professors. she has to bring them treats to eat while she defends her thesis to them. it sounds like a crock to me, but she told me that it's an unspoken rule.

2000-12-08T12:34:00.000-08:00

good morning!

2000-12-07T18:22:00.000-08:00

You have to check out this girl Dana's page.
She's fantastic.

2000-12-07T18:17:00.000-08:00

i am now attempting to learn a little more about html. man, it's boring..

2000-12-07T16:51:00.000-08:00

so. this will be my attempt at joining the society that i like to waste time (well, depends on how you look at it) reading all day at worfk.

FIRST ENTRY:

i actually cried at work the other day.
i work for an ISP in Portland, Oregon. i take calls throughout the day from random people; most are normal, some are freaks. yesterday i answered a call from a man who wasn't necessarily the *worst* customer i've ever spoken with; but he just hit the right note. i hung up on him and screamed "I HATE MY JOB" and burst into tears.
i'm one of those people who hardly ever cries.. the last time i cried was when my boyfriend and i almost broke up. we cried together all night. i felt like an idiot; i'm this totally normal, easy-to-get-along-with, makes everyone laugh type co-worker. not the "emotionally unstable" co-worker that freaks out about everything. so it kind of seemed to shake everyone up when i cried yesterday. anyway, i got to have a "mental health break" after that, which means that i got to have an extra cigarette during work, so i guess it was worth it.

i found out the other day that i can't go to my cousin's wedding. this makes me sad. i can't go because i can't get the day off of work. i think that that is understandable, but it still makes me sad. this is my cousin David, who is one of my cousins in the "favorite cousin" family (i have a large extended family). he's getting married (in my opinion, too young) to a young girl he met at college. they are both just adorable, and i know they will have a wonderful marriage regardless of whether or not i'm at the wedding. but still, i want to go.

when i was younger, i didn't like my family very much. my parents and i never got along, and i thought the rest of my family wasn't very cool. now that i'm older, i hang out with family every sunday, and i've thwarted my plans of moving far far away, as i couldn't stand to be far from my family. it's really a nice change, to appreciate family. i can remember my mom telling me once that she and i would be best friends when i was older. she said, "You know, you may not believe me, but someday, you and I will be best friends." and i didn't believe her. but now i feel differently. i appreciate the efforts my parents made in my childhood, i appreciate the pain they went through (as i was NOT a good kid) and i love them.